My first attempt at writing sheet music for a musician (which was difficult for me, being musically illiterate): here's a piece of the cello passage which you'll hear in the last verses.

My first attempt at writing sheet music for a musician (which was difficult for me, being musically illiterate): here's a piece of the cello passage which you'll hear in the last verses.

It was January, 2015.

There were many things going through my mind at the time which all subconsciously came out through this song. That is, I didn't exactly sit down with an intention of writing this song. I woke up from a dream where I had been singing it, then immediately began to write it out. 

Simply put, the song questions one's place in the universe. Are we all pretending? Are you actually happy, or do you pretend to be?

Personally, this song is a reflection of how I felt about my mental health, spirituality, and sexuality. I was ashamed of the title "Bipolar Disorder", felt unloved/ abandoned by God, and didn't know whether I was straight, gay, or bisexual. I chose to pretend that my mental health was fine, that there was no God, and I was straight. A path that seemed conventional, that also lead me into a deeper hole.

The song is one I continue to interpret differently each day- in a way, it's a bit magical. There's pain, beauty, and love embedded in it, but seems to be a piece of each of us. 

Today, I've become very happy and accepting of who I am with my mental health, my connection to God, as well as coming to terms with my sexual fluidity.
xo




 

Am I Odd?
Unpredictable?
Am I broken?
Trying to be simple.

When it rains,
Do they see colour?
Being them
Makes me feel smaller.

Am I odd
Or am I livin'
In a world
That's pretend driven?

Is it ok
If I sing to the moon
And just hum
This little tune?

Why should I pretend?
Why should I pretend?
Should I pretend?

Am I odd
For what I love?
Am I smiled at
From above?

Am I odd
For dreaming away?
Am I odd
For loving today?

Why should I pretend?
Why should I pretend?
Should I pretend?