YOUR MASTERPIECE
RETOLD



Time after time, it felt as though while I was holding back from beginning my music career as an artist, I was slowly being manipulated into an old, beat up canvas. I met many artists in my life- artists who, one by one, left their strokes of paint on my canvas.

It was difficult for me to see any drop of beauty in myself. All I could feel or see were the scars that had been left over the years, scars from those who had manipulated, abused, and raped me. 

 I always felt ashamed of that which had been done to me. My mental health already made me feel like a burden, so it seemed best to just pretend nothing had ever happened. Or even worse, pretend that it was ok. 

Even now, I find it difficult to associate myself with the younger, sad, lost Jenni. She felt completely broken, and continued down paths that distanced herself from who she really was.

 

It felt as though I was falling deeper and deeper into this deep, dark pit of black water.
Completely black.
Hell.
Why wouldn’t it end? Wave after wave, I tried to catch my breath in between. It felt as though this endless path of destruction was simply the life I was meant to live.

 

I would lie about my happiness, which lead to me lying about things that didn’t even matter. I slowly began to sink deeper and deeper into a pool of self destruction.

 I wore makeup every day, even just so I didn’t have to see my own self in the mirror. I hated every part of me. 
 

When I tried to end my life in hopes of finding peace, some higher power held me up and insisted on dragging me along for the ride. 

 

My mother was and is also a divine guardian angel who refused to ever give up on me. She wrote to me every day for almost three years, reminding me how beautiful and wonderful I was. She always encouraged me to look at each day as a brand new start, no matter how bad the day before was.

 

That being said, I wrote Your Masterpiece.

The song helped me release years and years of pain, shame, and confusion. I reminded myself that my state of being was due to the circumstances that had been presented in my path, though I was unable to see my way through to the other side, as I was fueled with anger and hate. I was inexperienced, and didn't understand how to move forward. The instrumental through the second half of the piece demonstrates a loss for words; silence. It pulls the listener into an interpretation of feeling rather than simply listening to the words. It’s heavy, yet slowly shows a peak of hope coming through. The new chord presented in the instrumental represents light. The intense drum beat will also pull the listener into a feeling of a heavy heartbeat as the melodic screaming of pain echoes in the background.
 

I didn’t want to release this song, as I had many layers of my past woven into it. I ended up deciding to forgive everyone who had hurt me in the past, for the sake of inner peace. I understand that humans may act differently due to a variety of influences, circumstances or environmental upbringing.

I also believe that humans can change. 

Through forgiveness of others and myself, I learned to love unconditionally. Through loving unconditionally, I discovered peace. From discovering peace, I’ve been living the happiest and healthiest year of my life, and am grateful for all that has happened to me. I see through the eyes of love and feel beauty everywhere. If my past had been all rainbows and butterflies, then I don’t know if I would have the capacity to love as much as I do today.


"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.
 

 

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YOUR MASTERPIECE

Like the world
Turns it's back
On me.
Why am I so damn naive?

Make pretend,
Don't believe.
Obsessed with everything.

I drown.
I drown.
I'm just your masterpiece.
No, I drown. 
You've made a masterpiece.

Paint my face
In blue.
Every lie you'd make,
I knew.

Your hands,
You're near.
Your waves that brought me here.

I drown.
I drown.
I'm just your masterpiece.
No, I drown.
You've made a masterpiece.

*Instrumental*